Forever (Mentally) Fat

One of the things that really gets me about being fat and having to lose weight is how permanent that mindset ends up being. Now that I am fat (and my hormones and habits etc. are all messed up), I will have to think about food for the rest of my life.

It's like when we cross the line with anything-- drugs, alcohol, cigarettes--- we never have the luxury ever again of getting to not think about it. I quit smoking over 10 years ago and I still pat my pockets for cigarettes sometimes. Someone who had a destructive relationship with alcohol will never be able to "just have one" and not think about it.

And now I have that destructive relationship with food.

For the rest of my life I will have to think about it. If everything goes the best it can go, then perhaps in a year or so I could be 100 pounds lighter, but even then I will still love potato chips. And one handful will never feel like enough.

So what does this mean for me? Does this mean that I have to bring my Portion Fix containers everywhere and measure out all my food? Will I be bringing those to family Thanksgiving?

Well... Maybe.

Will I be using these containers in 3 years? 5 years?

Well.... again, maybe.

Okay. So then I can just about wrap my mind around what it would be like to be Container Karlie. Karlie, but with containers. Karlie, now with more containers! My gravestone someday could read, "She always had her containers".

It certainly adds a new spin to dating as well. Perhaps I can find someone else with containers! We could eat out of containers together for the rest of our lives. But immediately I know this would not work because he would just give me all his containers to carry around in my purse, and really, who wants that.

Maybe I could even be one of those people who immediately asks for a to-go box after ordering and packs half away for later. Everyone loves that person! (Truthfully, that person is sort of insufferable, but maybe I need to start being insufferable.)

Whatever the case, my foreseeable future is clear and filled with containers as far as the eye can see, marching with purpose to the horizon.